As I drove home from my day job as a cattle crossing guard in rural Montana the thoughts and feelings of the unknown continued to dance in my head. I clicked the turn signal to the right and pulled in to the local Candle and Liquor store. Ralph was working. Ralph always works on Tuesday nights. I grabbed a hand basket and looked through the long aisles of candles and liquor. Was she a red or white wine fan? Would she like a candle that smelled similarly to Michael Jordan Cologne or did she have a simpler pallet for candle scents? I settled on a winter-ish candle and a box of red wine.
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John Wilmot, the 17th century English libertine, published his poem Signor Dildo in 1673. During the Parliamentary session of that year, objections were raised to the proposed marriage of James, Duke of York, brother of the King and heir to the throne, to Mary of Modena, an Italian Catholic princess. An address was presented to King Charles on 3 November, foreseeing the dangerous consequences of marriage to a Catholic, and urging him to put a stop to any planned wedding '...to the unspeakable Joy and Comfort of all Your loyal Subjects." Wilmot's response was Signior Dildo (You ladies all of merry England), a mock address anticipating the 'solid' advantages of a Catholic marriage, namely the wholesale importation of Italian dildos, to the unspeakable joy and comfort of all the ladies of England:
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